I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
