So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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