You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
