I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
