Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
