One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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