yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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