Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Damn victory sex feels great
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
