YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
