I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize