I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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