her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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