if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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