It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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