my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
