i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I want a musical about memes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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