I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
