So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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