Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just high enough for therapy.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize