Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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