I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
