i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
