Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
