I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
