I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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