you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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