Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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