Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
