i just google imaged poop.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
