a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize