Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
