you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
