so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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