New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry about my life...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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