and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
