Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
