If i come over, it means nothing
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
