i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
