We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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