I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
