i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
