I want to make a zoo with you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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