His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
