Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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