I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
