Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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