eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
