hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
