Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
