alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
