What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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