Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
