Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if only i could text you this smell
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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