I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
