genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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