If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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