do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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