o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
