If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would punch a child for taco bell
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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