Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
