I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
