bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
