halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
