One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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