Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
