I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
