Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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