You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
