11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
