he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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