Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
