Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My ass is underappreciated
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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