I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
