Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
