I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
