What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
