RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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