Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
