A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
