she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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