cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sober January is a disaster.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
