i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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