Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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