Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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