I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
