as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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