So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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