and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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