I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
