I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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