so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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