I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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