I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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