my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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