goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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