weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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