Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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