We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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