I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
