Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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