i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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