Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
