Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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