Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
