I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
