Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
