maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
