Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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