pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
