Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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