I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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