i jhust puked up my retainher.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
