Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
