since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
