His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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