this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
