I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
