Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize