yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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