i just made my gag reflex go away.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
