i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
