everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
