So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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