Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I touched a dick in church today
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